Title: Sons of Philip
Author: Qaddafi the Ripper
Summary: In his madness after Hephaistion's death, Alexander receives some comfort from a surprising source.
Notes: Inspired by the interactions between Alexander and Arridaios in Funeral Games by Mary Renault and Lord of the Two Lands by Judith Tarr, but not based on either, although the name Konon comes from Renault, since I lack the creativity to come up with original Greek names.
Ptolemy sat staring blankly at the wall. There was nothing of interest to look at on the wall, but then he didn't truly see it. He just stared, grief in his mind and an ache in his heart.
Hephaistion had been dead for almost three days now. Three days, and two days since he and his fellow generals had only pried Alexander away from the corpse so the embalmers could do their work. Three days of watching the king's madness.
He had ordered Glaukias the doctor hung, though Leonnatus had not yet seen that order carried out. He had had nothing to eat or drink, nor had he sleep. Ptolemy wondered what the king did now, alone with his madness in his room. He too grieved. Hephaistion had been a good friend and fellow soldier for years. His calm nature, solid presence, and practical mind had been indispensable to the army, the empire, and most especially the king.
So it was only natural that Ptolemy mourned for Hephaistion. But he mourned too for Alexander, whose eyes had become broken and lost. Ptolemy wondered if Alexander could live without Hephaistion. They had been so close, inseparable from the moment they met. Ptolemy, who at the time had perhaps known Alexander best save for Olympias, had smiled to see them bond. He liked to see Alexander happy.
They might have been brothers. Philip had sired many bastards in his day, and Ptolemy's mother had known Philip before she married. Ptolemy had never been sure, but had wondered at his mother's silences, his father's dark looks, and Philip's kindness and generosity towards him. If he had been Philip's acknowledged son - even as a bastard - it might be him, and not Alexander, who was king today.
He would have made a good king too, though in honesty Alexander was better. He was a good general, though in that too Alexander outstripped him. It wasn't strange that he wasn't bothered by being second best to Alexander, because to him Alexander had always been his beloved little brother, no matter if they shared the same father or not. Too, there had always been something more to Alexander, something that said he wasn't like other men, a touch of the divine.
It hurt him that he couldn't help Alexander now. He wanted to, and he'd tried to, but Alexander had hardly noticed him. He was consumed by grief and there was no one left who could reach him. Without Hephaistion, there was no one left who Alexander loved enough to allow them to help him in his grief. Perhaps Olympias could have, though Ptolemy shuddered to think of what her reaction to Hephaistion's death might be. She'd never forgiven him for holding a greater part of her son's heart than she did. Perhaps even Alexander's sister Kleopatra could have helped him, but she was far away in Epiros. He had no one else...
Ptolemy suddenly sat straighter. True, Alexander had only one sister, but his half-brother Arridaios was here in Ecbatana. Poor, half-witted Arridaios, whom Alexander had once feared might take the throne of Macedon from him. Had Alexander been anyone but who he was, he surely would have killed Arridaios when he came to power. But he hadn't killed him; he had, in fact, taken his half-brother with him when he left Greece. Partly to protect Arridaios and partly to keep a rallying point away from possible dissidents, but Alexander had taken him with and had always treated him well. He kept Arridaios near him, visited with him often, even brought him small presents that were cherished by the child-like man. Perhaps Alexander had resented Arridaios back in Macedon when they were younger, but he had grown to care for him since then.
And like the child his mind was, Arridaios loved Alexander back. Simply, unquestioningly, and fiercely he loved Alexander; and Alexander, never one to turn love away, loved him back the same way.
Kind words and gentle persuasion no longer reached Alexander, but perhaps the simple love of one who depended wholly on him might. It was worth trying. Or, if something didn't happen soon, they might lose Alexander too.
* * * * *
The world that Arridaios lived in was a simple and straightforward one. When he was hungry, someone always brought him something good to eat. When he was dirty, he was given a bath, his hair washed and beard trimmed by someone. When it was time for bed, he'd be put to sleep, the covers drawn up snugly. If he had trouble falling asleep, he'd be told a bedtime story until he slept.
He kept busy during the days. He had a collection of odds and ends that he'd put together since he was a little boy. He always had to check and make sure nothing was missing from his collection, and that it was all arranged neatly. He liked to wander around and look at the people and places around him. His old servant would follow him to make sure he never got hurt. He liked looking at flowers and trees and stones. He liked playing with animals, especially his horse and the elephants.
People weren't so much fun to be with. Most of the servants whom he saw never talked to him. They'd do what they came for and then leave without even saying hello. If he met anyone while walking around, they never stayed and talked with him for long. They would give him a strange look and hurry away from him as quickly as they could. It was a rather lonely life.
There were a few people, at least, who were kind to him. He loved Konon, the servant who cared for him. The old man was always patient with him, would make sure he had clean clothes, and told the nicest stories. Sometimes, Konon told Arridaios the names of the flowers and trees and stones that he found. Arridaios worked hard to remember the names, and when he did old Konon was always proud of him. Konon helped him read and write too, and Arridaios thought he had gotten much better; he could read an entire letter from his mother now all by himself.
Beyond even Konon, Arridaios's favorite person was his brother Alexander. He liked Alexander a lot, since Alexander was always kind to him and took time to visit Arridaios as often as he could. Not as often as Arridaios would have liked, but Alexander was the king, and kings had very little free time. Alexander would tell him that he was very brave and very strong and very smart, and if Alexander said it then it must be true. Alexander had brought him most of the treasures he kept in his collection; Arridaios could remember exactly when Alexander had gifted him with each of them.
Some of Alexander's friends were nice to him too, like Hephaistion and Ptolemy, but most of them ignored him. It made Arridaios sad, that when he talked to Alexander when those others were around and they would make faces at him that made him want to cry. He never did cry at those times, though. Alexander would glare at those mean people so they'd have to be quiet and Arridaios couldn't help but grin with happiness.
Today had been much like any other day. Arridaios had been given a bath and breakfast after he woke up. The servants had seemed distracted during it all, but Arridaios had long since given up trying to ask them anything. He waited until he was alone with Konon, who also looked flustered. The old man held out a piece of papyrus covered with words for him to practice his reading, but Arridaios didn't take it. "What's wrong, Konon?" he asked.
The old man started. "Nothing's wrong, prince," he assured him and firmly pressed today's lesson into his face. Arridaios took it but didn't look at it.
"Don't lie to me. I know something's wrong. What is it?"
Konon looked away, sad. "Very well. There is something wrong, but it isn't anything you need to worry about. So just focus of your reading today, alright?"
"You're sure it's nothing important? You'll be alright?" Arridaios pressed. Reading wasn't important if Konon was having problems.
"I'll be fine of course." The old man gave him a forced smile and continued to encourage him to read. Arridaios finally let him persuade him and started into the difficult words on the page, even though the alpha's and beta's wanted to swim away before he could see them properly.
It was shortly after lunch when they were interrupted. Konon looked both worried and angry, but Arridaios was always glad when someone came to visit him. He was especially glad when he saw that his visitor was Ptolemy. Ptolemy was rather rough and stiff sometimes, but Arridaios liked him anyway. He thought privately that Ptolemy had a funny face, but made sure never to tell him that, since Alexander would have said it wasn't polite.
When he looked at Ptolemy, he thought that he looked sad and worried too. He bit his lip, suddenly troubled that something awful had happened. Ptolemy slowly sat down next to Arridaios. "How are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm fine," Arridaios replied promptly. "Are you sad too? You look sad."
Ptolemy blinked, as if he was surprised that Arridaios had noticed. Arridaios noticed more than most people realized. He sighed. "Yes, I am sad. Something very bad happened."
Arridaios's throat hurt. "What happened?" he asked softly. Sometimes, if you were quiet, the bad things couldn't hurt you.
"Hephaistion is dead," Ptolemy told him just as quietly. Arridaios blinked, shocked into silence. Dead meant that person wasn't around anymore. That you couldn't talk to them or walk around with them. That you'd never see them again.
He trembled, feeling tears roll down his face. "Hephaistion?" he whispered. Ptolemy nodded. Arridaios let out a howl, and wrapped his arms around himself. Hephaistion had always been nice to him, he'd given him nice presents, he could always make him laugh. When there were so many mean people in his world, why did one of the nice ones have to die?
Konon was fussing over him, trying to get him to stop crying. But Ptolemy just continued to sit there, silent. Arridaios noticed through his tears that Ptolemy was crying too. Well, if Ptolemy could cry, then he should be able to too.
It took some time for him to stop crying. Not that he stopped being miserable; he just ran out of tears. He managed to focus on Ptolemy, who looked like he had something he wanted to say. "What?" he sniffed.
"I need your help, Arridaios," Ptolemy said seriously. Arridaios stared at him in surprise. People rarely asked him for help. "Alexander is very sad that Hephaistion is dead," Ptolemy explained. Arridaios nodded in understanding; Hephaistion had been Alexander's best friend forever, so of course Alexander was sad. "I was hoping you go visit Alexander and try to make him feel better."
"How?" Alexander had always been the one to make Arridaios feel better, never the other way around.
"I don't know," Ptolemy admitted. "Just sit with him, like Konon is sitting with you now." Konon was hugging Arridaios awkwardly and patting him on the back. "I'm sure you'll think of something."
Arridaios wasn't so sure. If Ptolemy, who was smart enough to be a general, couldn't think of anything, then how could he? But if he felt this miserable about Hephaistion's death, then Alexander must feel even worse. He sniffed again. "If you really think I can help--" Ptolemy nodded confidently and Arridaios took a deep breath, "--then I'll try."
Ptolemy smiled for the first time since he came in. "That's all I ask. Thank you, Arridaios. You don't know how much this means to me." Arridaios managed an almost-smile at the compliment. Ptolemy stood up, clearly ready to leave right then, but Konon wouldn't let Arridaios leave until he'd had his face scrubbed.
As he followed Ptolemy down the hallways of the palace, himself followed by Konon, Arridaios felt chilled. People he passed stared at everything, fear on their faces. They kept close to the walls and stopped to peer around corners. Something was very wrong.
"Ptolemy," he called. The general turned around to look at him expectantly. "Why is everyone so afraid?" he asked.
"Alexander isn't taking things well," he answered grimly. Arridaios stared at him blankly, not sure why that would scare people. But Ptolemy continued on, and he had no other choice but to follow in confusion. When they reached Alexander's room, Arridaios recognized most of the men clustered nervously around the door as Alexander's generals. He wondered why they were just standing there, doing nothing.
Ptolemy walked right past them, ignoring the questioning and surprised looks he received. Inside, the room was barely lit and completely silent. Arridaios thought at first that Alexander must be out; no room was ever silent when his brother was in it. But no, that was Alexander right over there, lying on his bed, staring off blankly into space. "Alexander," Ptolemy spoke, "Arridaios wanted to see you. I'll leave you alone." And he left the room quickly, before Arridaios could point out that his being here was Ptolemy's idea, not his.
He stood rooted in place, unsure what to do. He could hear soft sounds coming from outside the room, but in here it was completely quiet. And Alexander still hadn't moved. He wished desperately that Konon had come into the room with him. Suddenly, without him ever noticing exactly when it had happened, his world had changed completely. A friend was dead and his brother was lying there as if there was something horribly wrong with him. Arridaios trembled in fear. What should he do? He didn't like it when things changed. It made him confused and unhappy. The people who'd been in his life should stay in his life forever. Well, except for his father.
Slowly, he made his way over to Alexander, darting his gaze everywhere, afraid some hideous creature would jump out at him. This wasn't something that could happen naturally, was it? And why wasn't Alexander helping him? Alexander always helped him when he was afraid. But Alexander hadn't even noticed he was there.
"Alexander?" he asked quietly when he stood next to the bed. His brother didn't move, didn't even blink. Arridaios trembled harder. Maybe this was a nightmare. Surely nothing like this could ever happen in real life. He reached out, grabbed Alexander's arm in a desperate grip, and called to him again.
Finally, mercifully, Alexander turned his head and looked at him. Arridaios felt encouraged for a moment, then his heart plummeted again. Alexander was looking right through him, as if he wasn't even there. Arridaios felt tears well up in his eyes. Most people looked at him like that. He was so used to it that it rarely bothered him anymore. But Alexander had never looked at him like that before. And even still, Alexander stared dully in his general direction.
He started to cry. He couldn't help it. He tried not to, because men weren't supposed to cry, and because Alexander would say he was brave and strong when he didn't. He sniffed loudly and quickly tried to wipe the tears off his face. But they just kept coming, no matter how hard he tried to stop them. And Alexander just lay there, staring.
Arridaios flung himself down on top of his brother, hugging Alexander desperately. Why did bad things happen? He didn't know and he was scared and there was no one helping him. He wanted to be able to help Alexander - helping each other was what brothers did - but he didn't know how. And so he kept crying, for his own confusion and feeling of helplessness, for Hephaistion who he'd not see again, and for Alexander who acted like he was dead too.
He wasn't sure how long he lay there, weeping and clinging to Alexander. A long time, probably. What finally stopped his crying was Alexander lightly touching his arm. He jerked back, surprised and immediately pleased. "Alexander!" he exclaimed gratefully.
"Arridaios," Alexander murmured. His voice didn't sound good, and his eyes still looked unfocused. "What are you doing here?"
"I heard..." he paused. "I heard that Hephaistion was dead." He sniffed again, but tried extra hard not to cry. "And I heard that you weren't feeling good. Are you alright?" he asked anxiously.
"I'm fine," Alexander said dully, staring again at the ceiling.
Arridaios scowled, suddenly angry. "Don't lie to me! I can tell when people lie, and you're lying right now! You said it's bad to lie, so why are you lying to me?" He clenched his hands into fists. Alexander was absolutely not allowed to lie to him, especially not about something so important.
Alexander glanced at him. "Sorry," he mumbled. He covered his face with his arm and didn't say anything else.
He was going to cry again, he could tell. He reminded himself that he was angry right now, not sad. It helped a little. "I want you to feel better," he said softly. "I don't know what I'd do if something bad happened to you." Alexander remained mute, so he continued doggedly. "I miss Hephaistion a lot already. You must miss him even more. But..." he stopped. What else should he say? "Don't you die too, Alexander. I need you."
"How can I go on living without him?" Arridaios thought Alexander's voice, at that moment, was the saddest thing he'd ever heard. So reached out and hugged Alexander again, this time for his brother's sake. He hoped it helped Alexander, at least a little. For a long time, Alexander lay limp in his arms, but finally he wrapped his arms around Arridaios and held on tightly.
A very long time passed, and Arridaios began to feel tired. Crying had worn him out. Alexander's grip on him had loosened. Someone tapped his shoulder lightly. Blinking, he turned around slowly to see a young man with long, pretty hair. "Who are you?" he whispered. He wouldn't get in trouble for this, would he?
The young man gave him a sad smile. "My name is Bagoas. I'm a friend of Alexander's," he said.
Arridaios thought he talked kind of funny, and he had a very strange name. But if he was Alexander's friend, he must be alright. "Am I in trouble?" Bagoas was looking at him nicely, so he didn't think so, but one could never know for sure. People got angry at him suddenly all of the time, and for no reason that he could discern.
"You're not in trouble," Bagoas assured him. "The king is finally asleep. I thought we could give him the chance to rest in peace." Arridaios looked down and discovered that Alexander was, indeed, asleep. He looked exhausted. Bagoas made a follow-me gesture, so Arridaios clumsily got out of the bed, trying not to disturb Alexander.
Outside the room, the group of people who had been clustered there earlier were gone. He wondered where they'd went and where Konon was. "Thank you for helping him," Bagoas said.
Arridaios shuffled his feet. He didn't get compliments from strangers very often. "I didn't do much," he mumbled to the floor.
"You did more than the rest of us could." Bagoas's voice sounded bitter at that, though Arridaios didn't know why. "I asked someone to find your servant for you."
Arridaios brightened. "Thank you," he said. You should always thank people who do nice things for you was another thing Alexander had told him. They stood together outside the king's door, waiting for Konon to be found. A long, awkward silence descended.
"I've wanted to meet you," Bagoas said finally. Arridaios stared at him in surprise. No one ever wanted to meet him. "Alexander told me about a little bit about you. How brave and strong and loyal you were." Bagoas gave him another kind smile. "I just wish we could have met under better circumstances."
Arridaios gaped in wonder, totally at a loss. He was spared from having to say anything by the arrival of Konon, whom he gratefully followed back to his room. But he paused once to glance back at Alexander's room, which Bagoas no longer stood in front of. He made a quick, desperate prayer to the gods that somehow Alexander would be alright.
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